Feeling behind in life?
Why this feeling is a nervous system response, not a failure
We’ve all had those moments where it feels like the world is moving faster than we are.
Everyone seems to be buying homes, getting into healthy relationships, starting families, launching businesses, hitting milestones…
And suddenly you’re looking at your own life thinking:
“Am I behind?”
“Shouldn’t I be further ahead by now?”
If you’ve felt this recently, take a deep breath.
Because the feeling of “being behind” is almost never about your reality — it’s about your nervous system.
Let’s unravel this gently.
1. Feeling Behind Is Triggered by Survival Mode
When your body is in fight, flight, freeze or fawn, its number one job is to protect you.
A dysregulated nervous system becomes hypervigilant, constantly scanning for danger.
And one of the quickest ways it evaluates “danger” is through comparison.
Instead of seeing someone else’s journey as neutral, your survival system interprets it as:
“They’re ahead, so I’m unsafe.”
This isn’t truth.
It’s biology.
2. The Inner Child Is Often Who Feels Behind, Not You
The pressure to catch up usually comes from younger parts of you:
the girl who had to grow up too fast
the achiever who only felt valued when she excelled
the responsible one who carried too much
the one who equated self-worth with performance
the one who was taught she needed to be “something” by a certain age
This part of you still believes:
“If I achieve enough, then I’ll finally be safe.”
So someone else’s progress awakens her old fears.
You’re not behind, she is scared.
3. You Only Feel Behind When You’re Ready for More
This one is important:
The feeling of being behind usually shows up right before a level-up.
It means something inside you is shifting.
Your identity is expanding.
You’re outgrowing old ways of living.
You’re wanting more alignment and more truth.
Feeling behind is actually a sign of awakening — not inadequacy.
4. Timelines Are Conditioning, Not Reality
A lot of the pressure you feel isn’t yours:
cultural timelines
family expectations
unconscious comparisons
societal rules about success
social media highlight reels
Most timelines weren’t built for women like us — women healing, rebuilding, questioning, growing.
You’re not late.
You’re living at the pace of your nervous system… and that pace is always right.
5. How to Support Yourself When You Feel Behind
Here are gentle practices to shift the state:
✨ Regulate before you reflect
Ground your body first — tapping, legs up the wall, a walk, a warm shower.
✨ Remind yourself: “This is a state, not a truth.”
Your body is speaking, not your destiny.
✨ Ask: “Whose timeline am I following?”
If the answer isn’t yours, it’s time to release it.
✨ Honour your season
Maybe this season is for healing… not hustling.
For rest… not rushing.
For rebuilding… not results.
✨ Celebrate your invisible progress
Not every milestone is external.
Healing counts.
Learning counts.
Surviving counts.
Starting over counts.
Choosing peace counts.
A Final Reframe
You’re not behind.
You’re becoming the version of yourself who no longer wants to live on autopilot or comparison mode.
You’re choosing depth over speed.
Healing over rushing.
Alignment over timelines.
You’re exactly where you need to be.
🎙️ Listen to the full episode here: When You Feel Behind in Life
With love,
Tally x
Why December Feels So Heavy (Even When You’re Doing the Work)
Understanding your nervous system, your emotions, and why this time of year hits so hard.
December has a way of pulling everything to the surface.
Even when you’ve been showing up for yourself…
Even when you’ve done your healing work…
Even when you’ve grown, regulated, evolved, expanded…
December still lands differently.
If you’ve been feeling more emotional, tired, overwhelmed, reflective, or just “off,” you’re not alone — and you're not going backwards.
There’s a real, nervous-system-based reason this month feels like a lot.
Let’s break it down gently.
1. Your Nervous System Is Processing an Entire Year at Once
Your body doesn’t follow the calendar.
It follows safety, capacity, and energy.
By the time December arrives, you’ve lived through:
11 months of emotional experiences
decisions, stress, changes, wins, losses
grief you didn’t have time to feel
memories you were too busy to process
nervous system activation you pushed through
responsibilities you carried on your back
December becomes the moment your system finally slows enough to feel what it couldn’t feel earlier.
That heaviness?
It’s your body integrating.
2. End-of-Year Pressure Makes You Feel “Behind”
December brings an invisible to-do list:
“Reflect on your year.”
“Set goals.”
“Finish strong.”
“Be social.”
“Look happy.”
“Hold it all together.”
Most of this isn’t your truth — it’s conditioning.
Your nervous system absorbs all that pressure, especially if you have:
perfectionist tendencies
people-pleasing wounds
high-achiever patterns
inner child beliefs about worth and productivity
So if you feel overwhelmed…
It makes sense.
Your body is responding to expectation fatigue, not failure.
3. Old Wounds and Memories Resurface in December
This month is deeply symbolic.
For many people, December activates:
family patterns
grief
loneliness
childhood memories
comparison
financial pressure
cultural expectations
the “need to be okay”
Even if you’re doing the work, your younger parts still remember.
The inner child feels December differently — and she often needs more reassurance, not more productivity.
4. Darkness, Weather, and Slower Days Shift Your Mood
This season affects your biology:
less sunlight
less movement
shorter days
depleted energy
higher cortisol
disrupted sleep
This isn’t weakness — it’s physiology.
Your body naturally slows down in winter.
You’re not meant to be your most productive, confident, or energised self right now.
Winter asks for retreat, not acceleration.
5. You’re Not “Falling Apart”, You’re Recalibrating
The heaviness you feel isn’t a regression.
It’s a transition.
December is the bridge between who you’ve been this year…
and who you’re becoming next.
That in-between space always feels tender.
Your nervous system releases what it no longer wants to carry into the new year.
Your identity upgrades.
Your boundaries tighten.
Your clarity sharpens.
Your inner child speaks louder.
Your body remembers what still needs healing.
This is expansion wearing the disguise of heaviness.
So What Do You Do With All This?
Here are a few ways to support yourself gently:
1. Stop trying to “push through” the heaviness
Your body doesn’t need pressure — it needs presence.
2. Honour your energy levels
Rest doesn’t mean failure.
Slowness doesn’t mean you’re behind.
3. Validate your emotions instead of judging them
“Of course I’m feeling this. This season is a lot.”
4. Focus on grounding, not achieving
Warm showers, self-holding hugs, tapping, slower days, deeper breaths.
5. Release the idea that you need to end the year perfectly
You don’t.
You never did.
A Soft December Reminder
You are not doing anything wrong.
You’re not backsliding.
You’re not losing progress.
Your nervous system is simply catching up.
Your body is integrating the year.
Your heart is recalibrating.
Your soul is preparing for what’s next.
You’re not heavy — you’re healing.
If you want more support with this, you can listen to the full podcast episode here:
🎙️ Podcast: Why December Feels So Heavy (Even When You’re Doing the Work)
(link when uploaded)
And if you’re craving deeper nervous system support, EFT, or a softer way to end your year, message me to explore my current bundles and offerings.
With love,
Talesha x
Follow the Plan, Not Your Mood: The Power of Self-Leadership and Showing Up Anyway
Motivation feels good, but it’s unreliable.
If I only worked, posted, coached, or created when I felt like it, I wouldn’t have a business. I’d have a mood diary.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned, both in sales and as a coach, is that your emotions don’t determine your results, your actions do.
Following the plan, not your mood, is emotional maturity in action. It’s the practice of choosing alignment over impulse, purpose over procrastination, and leadership over comfort.
Because here’s the truth:
Running a business isn’t just about strategy. It’s about energy. It’s about who you become in the moments when no one’s watching, when it’s quiet, when you’re tired, when you’re doubting yourself but still deciding to show up anyway.
Showing Up Through Chaos
Earlier this year, I went through one of the hardest seasons of my life. My dad had two strokes, I also had a loved one who was battling terminal cancer, all as I was planning my Women’s Wellness Day event, working my sales role, leading a team, building my business.
I was balancing hospital visits, work, and my sales team, people who relied on me for leadership and energy, while also trying to hold space for my clients, my community, and myself.
There were mornings where I felt like I had nothing left to give. But I kept showing up.
Not perfectly, but intentionally.
Sometimes it was as simple as sending a “good morning” message in my team chat. It sounds small, but that daily act reminded me: You’re still here. You’re still leading. You can still bring light even in the heaviness.
That’s what self-leadership really is.
It’s grace wrapped in grit. It’s doing your best even when your heart feels heavy. It’s learning that discipline isn’t cold or rigid, it’s a form of self-love.
The Shift from Emotional Reactivity to Self-Leadership
There’s a quiet power that comes from following through on what you said you’d do.
Every time you take action despite discomfort, you’re building something much bigger than a to-do list, you’re building self-trust.
And self-trust is magnetic.
Because when you know you’ll show up for yourself no matter what, you stop waiting for the right moment, the right feeling, or the right level of confidence.
You move. You lead. You create.
And that’s the energy that clients, opportunities, and abundance respond to, not perfection, but consistency.
Your emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re feedback.
They tell you what needs your attention, but they don’t get to make the decisions.
You wouldn’t hand your car keys to a toddler, so don’t hand your business to your emotions.
Let your plan drive, and let your feelings ride shotgun.
Becoming Solution-Oriented
When you stop letting your mood lead, you start seeing possibilities instead of problems.
You stop spiralling and start solving.
That’s what being solution-oriented really means — it’s not about ignoring what you feel, it’s about using it as data, not direction.
Because your feelings are temporary, but your purpose isn’t.
When you anchor into that, into your why, your actions stop being reactive and start being intentional.
Self-Leadership = Safety
Consistency builds more than momentum.
It builds safety.
Every time you follow through, even on the small things, you’re showing your nervous system, “We’re safe. We can rely on us.”
And from that sense of inner safety, you make better decisions. You create better content. You serve from overflow instead of exhaustion.
You don’t wait to feel ready, you act ready, and the feeling follows.
So the next time you feel off, pause and ask yourself:
👉🏽 “Am I following my mood or my plan?”
Then take one aligned action, something small but meaningful that your future self will thank you for.
Because your future self isn’t waiting on your motivation.
She’s waiting on your consistency.
And every time you choose to follow the plan — not your mood — you’re showing her that you’re already becoming her.
That’s self-leadership.
That’s emotional discipline.
That’s power in motion.
The 8 Steps to Success: What Sales Taught Me About Business, Healing & Life
The other day, I was scrolling through my phone, clearing out old photos, and I came across something that stopped me for a moment.
A picture from an old sales office.
On the wall behind us, in bold writing, were the words: The 8 Steps.
It wasn’t just a quote or a motivational slogan, it was literally the system we lived by.
And I didn’t realise at the time just how much those eight steps would shape who I am today.
My Sales Era
Before I stepped into my holistic work full-time, I spent a few years in direct sales. I was a brand ambassador, nervous, figuring it all out, and before long, I was managing my own team.
Every day was a mix of excitement and challenge. We were out there building relationships, facing rejection, hitting goals, motivating each other, and learning how to stay grounded in the face of “no.”
That job taught me that success isn’t built on luck, it’s built on consistency, emotional regulation, and self-leadership.
Coaching my team taught me that leadership isn’t about telling people what to do, it’s about helping them believe they can. I ran morning meetings, held one-to-ones, and guided people back to their “why.” And now, when I coach women through healing and emotional blocks, I see how connected it all is. The language has changed, but the energy is the same.
It’s about helping people remember their power.
The Lessons That Still Apply
Those 8 Steps were simple, but they carried so much truth:
Be positive. Be reliable. Be prepared. Give 100%. Work your territory. Safeguard your attitude. Have a why. Take control.
They sound like business rules, but they’re really life rules.
When I look back, I see that what I thought was a high-pressure sales job was actually emotional training. It taught me how to separate emotion from action. To follow the plan, not my feelings. To take responsibility for my energy and attitude, even when things were hard.
Now, in healing work, I see the same principle everywhere. Healing is just another form of discipline. It’s showing up for yourself when you don’t feel like it, when you’re tired, when no one’s clapping yet.
The 8 Steps weren’t really about selling. They were about self-mastery.
Reflection
Whether you’re in business, building your dream life, or healing your nervous system, the foundation is always the same:
Show up with integrity. Lead yourself first. Be consistent. Protect your energy.
Success doesn’t come from complexity. It comes from the simple things you do with intention, over and over again.
So maybe take this as your reminder:
Which of those principles do you need to reconnect with today?
Be positive. Be prepared. Take control.
Because success isn’t just about what you do, it’s about who you become in the process.
Paradigms & Self-Limiting Beliefs
How the invisible patterns in your mind are shaping your life (and how you can shift them)
If you’ve ever wondered why you keep hitting the same internal walls — why fear, hesitation, or self-doubt show up every time you try to expand — it’s often not about laziness or lack of motivation.
It’s about your paradigm — the subconscious blueprint of beliefs, habits, and emotional patterns quietly shaping your life.
In this post, we’ll explore what paradigms really are, how self-limiting beliefs form, what neuroscience says about rewiring them, and how you can begin shifting yours — backed by the work of neuroscientist Dr Tara Swart and other mind-body experts.
What Are Paradigms?
A paradigm is the mental lens through which you experience reality — your inherited programming for what feels possible, safe, or realistic.
We develop most of our paradigms early in life through family, culture, and environment. They shape how we see the world and ourselves.
Examples:
“Money doesn’t grow on trees” → scarcity and over-work.
“You have to be the good girl” → people-pleasing and perfectionism.
“Love means inconsistency” → fear of closeness or instability.
These beliefs once kept you safe — but eventually, they can become restrictive. The safety code becomes the limit code.
“The subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish between what’s true and what’s familiar — it only seeks what feels safe.”
The Science of Self-Limiting Beliefs
Self-limiting beliefs are surface expressions of deeper paradigms.
They sound like:
“I’m not good enough.”
“Things never work out for me.”
“I can’t make money doing what I love.”
According to Dr Tara Swart, “The idea of reprogramming the subconscious is essentially the science of neuroplasticity— the brain’s ability to form new pathways and strengthen them through repetition.” (The Independent, 2024)
When you repeatedly think, feel, and act in a certain way, you wire your brain for that pattern.
When you introduce new thoughts and regulate your emotional response, you create new wiring.
A 2021 study on emotional awareness found that self-regulation is a skill that can be trained — and that awareness itself facilitates neural change. (PMC8395748)
In simple terms: you can’t out-think your subconscious, but you can retrain it through awareness, repetition, and safety.
How Paradigms Form (and Why They Persist)
Most core beliefs are formed before age seven, when your brain operates in highly suggestible theta waves.
Messages from parents, teachers, and peers are absorbed without critical thinking.
The brain then filters all new experiences through those existing beliefs.
The subconscious mind prioritizes safety over growth, so even painful familiarity can feel safer than freedom.
Example:
If you grew up in survival mode, rest may now feel unsafe.
If you were taught that achievement equals love, slowing down can trigger guilt.
Your nervous system is simply protecting you based on old data.
Shifting Your Paradigm — A Step-by-Step Guide
1. Awareness
Notice your repeating thoughts, emotions, or behaviours when facing change.
Ask yourself:
Where did this belief come from?
Whose voice is this really?
What is it trying to protect me from?
Awareness is the first interruption to the subconscious loop.
2. Compassion
You can’t bully a belief into submission.
Every self-limiting pattern once had a positive purpose: to keep you safe, loved, or accepted.
Meet it with compassion, not judgment.
3. Reprogramming & Integration
Dr Swart reminds us that change happens through consistent emotional repetition.
Try:
Affirmations that align with the new paradigm
EFT tapping or body-based release to build safety in the nervous system
Journaling from your higher-self perspective
Visualization — imagine how it feels to already embody the new belief
Remember: it’s not about forcing positivity — it’s about helping your body feel safe enough to believe something new.
4. Embodiment
Transformation happens when thought meets action.
Each time you make a new choice — setting a boundary, resting without guilt, speaking truth — you create evidence for the new paradigm.
That’s neuroplasticity in motion.
“Healing is teaching your body that it’s safe to choose differently.”
Why This Matters for Healing, Business & Relationships
Healing: Unhealed paradigms keep you looping in the same emotional states. Shifting them creates internal safety and freedom.
Business: Paradigms around scarcity or worth limit your ability to receive. When you shift them, flow and alignment become natural.
Relationships: If your paradigm links love with chaos, your nervous system will reject stability until safety is rebuilt.
Reflection Prompts
What beliefs or thoughts do I repeat most that limit my joy or expansion?
Where might I have learned them?
What would I rather believe instead — and how would that version of me think, feel, and act?
What can I do today to help my body feel safe with this new belief?
Listen to the Full Podcast Episode
For a deeper dive into this topic, tune into The Grateful Living Podcast — Episode: “Paradigms & Self-Limiting Beliefs.”
In this episode, I share stories, examples, and practical tools to help you begin shifting your inner blueprint and reprogramming your subconscious in real time.
🎧Listen on Spotify | Listen on Youtube Podcasts
If this resonates, and you’re ready to explore the paradigms shaping your healing, business, or relationships — this is the work we do in my Fragments 1:1 Coaching.
It’s a safe, supportive space to uncover inherited stories, integrate your shadow, and rewire your nervous system for self-trust and expansion.
🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode here
💛 Register your interest in Fragments 1:1 Coaching session → here
Until next time — take care of your mind, your body, and your energy.
Because how you think and how you feel… creates your state of being. 💛
Healing Isn’t About Becoming Someone New — It’s About Remembering Who You Were Before the Wounds
So often we approach healing like a makeover. We think we need to reinvent ourselves, become someone entirely new, and leave the “old us” behind. But the truth is, you don’t need to become someone else to heal. You just need to remember who you were before the wounds.
The Child Beneath the Armor
Before the betrayals, the grief, the subtle lessons about what was “too much” or “not enough” — you were whole. You laughed freely. You felt without shame. You dreamed without limit. Over time, to stay safe, you built armor. You held your breath in unsafe rooms. You curled yourself up small at night. You learned how to survive.
But surviving is not the same as living.
The Science of Remembering
Polyvagal theory shows us that our nervous system records experiences of safety and danger, shaping how we show up in the world. Survival strategies like hyper-independence, emotional eating, or perfectionism aren’t flaws — they’re adaptations.
The good news is that through neuroplasticity, our brains can rewire. Safety, play, creativity, and rest can be relearned. Healing is not about creating a “better you.” It’s about reclaiming your natural states that were there all along.
Practical Ways to Begin Remembering
Ask yourself: Who am I protecting right now? This simple reflection can uncover the coping strategy at play.
Follow your joy: Think back to what lit you up as a child — singing, writing, dancing, exploring. These aren’t silly; they’re pathways back home.
Reconnect with your body: Somatic practices like EFT, shaking, or gentle breathwork help the nervous system relearn safety.
A Journal Prompt
What parts of myself have I hidden away for safety — and what would it feel like to let them emerge again?
Healing is less about reinvention and more about remembrance. Because the truest version of you was never lost — she was just waiting for you to come back.
Forgiveness and Shadow Work in Scorpio Season: How Letting Go Opens the Door to Blessings
Scorpio season always brings truth to the surface. It’s the time of year when the shadows rise, when we’re invited to look at what we’ve been avoiding, release what no longer serves us, and rebirth into something softer, freer, more whole.
For me, this season has been a mirror.
During a conversation with my mentor, I realised something that hit me deeply:
I was blocking my own blessings by holding onto hurt, pain, and resentment from my past.
I thought I’d moved on. But in truth, I was still carrying the weight of stories that weren’t mine to hold anymore.
The Shadow Side of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a word we hear often in the healing space, but it’s also one of the hardest things to embody.
Because forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.
It doesn’t mean excusing someone’s behaviour.
It means choosing to free yourself from the emotional charge that keeps you stuck in old energy.
In Scorpio season, a time ruled by transformation, emotional depth, and rebirth, forgiveness becomes a form of shadow work.
It’s about facing what’s been buried, feeling the pain, and allowing it to dissolve.
The “Let Them” Theory and Energetic Release
As I reflected on the people and memories I was still tethered to, I remembered a phrase that changed everything:
Let them.
Let them go.
Let them leave.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them move on.
Let them choose someone else.
Holding on keeps you in survival mode. Letting go brings you back into your power.
This simple reminder helped me soften my grip, to stop trying to fix, chase, or prove, and instead, to trust that what’s meant for me will never need convincing.
Healing Through Forgiveness: The Ho’oponopono Prayer
That night, I turned to a spiritual practice that has always grounded me, the Ho’oponopono prayer, a traditional Hawaiian method of reconciliation and forgiveness.
It goes like this:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
As I repeated each line, I visualised releasing everyone I was still energetically holding onto and forgiving myself, too, for carrying the pain for so long.
Something shifted in my body.
My breath deepened. My chest softened.
I could feel the energetic release.
Forgiveness, I’ve learned, isn’t a one-time act. It’s a daily choice, to unhook from old stories, to come back into your body, and to make space for new blessings to flow in.
Forgiveness as a Somatic and Spiritual Detox
When we hold onto resentment, our bodies hold it too.
Tight shoulders. Heavy chests. Emotional exhaustion.
That’s why forgiveness isn’t just emotional, it’s somatic.
The moment you truly let go, your nervous system feels it.
You shift from fight-or-flight to flow.
From protection to peace.
Scorpio season reminds us that endings are sacred.
When you release what’s no longer aligned, you don’t lose, you create space.
A Simple Forgiveness Ritual to Try
If you’ve been feeling heavy or stuck, try this today:
Light a candle or sit somewhere quiet.
Close your eyes and bring to mind someone or something you’re ready to release.
Whisper the Ho’oponopono prayer:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.Visualise the energy leaving your body and dissolving into light.
Breathe deeply and notice how your body feels.
Forgiveness is not weakness, it’s energetic freedom.
Let Them Go, and Let Peace In
Scorpio season is an invitation to shed, to release what’s heavy and step into deeper alignment.
The more we hold on to pain, the less space we have for blessings.
So this season, I’m choosing to let them go.
To let life flow.
To let peace find me again.
If you’re ready to release what your body’s been holding…
My Release Massage + EFT Bundle helps you soften the tension, regulate your nervous system, and release emotional energy stored in the body. It’s a somatic experience designed to help you reconnect with peace, forgiveness, and self-love.
✨ Learn more about the Release Bundle → here
Be gentle with yourself this season.
With love always,
Talesha
Why Safe Love Feels “Boring” When You’re Used to Chaos
Safe Love Isn’t Boring — It’s Healing
If you’ve ever dismissed a kind, consistent partner as “boring” — you’re not alone. For many millennial women raised in chaotic, unpredictable environments, safe love can feel foreign. Sometimes, it even feels wrong.
My Story: Confusing Chaos for Chemistry
I grew up in unpredictability. Love often came with conditions, silence, or sudden absence. My nervous system learned to brace for loss — even in moments of closeness.
So as an adult, I chased intensity. The push-pull of emotionally unavailable partners felt magnetic. My heart raced, my body buzzed. I thought that was passion.
Meanwhile, gentle, available love felt flat. My body didn’t trust calm. What I didn’t realise: it wasn’t boring. It was safe.
The Science Behind It
Attachment theory explains how inconsistent caregiving wires us for anxious or avoidant patterns.
Polyvagal theory shows us that chaos keeps us in sympathetic arousal — a state that feels alive, but is really survival.
Trauma research confirms: the brain seeks the familiar, not the healthy.
So when your nervous system is used to stress, safety feels unfamiliar. Calmness isn’t boring — it’s just new.
How to Rewire Your Attraction
Question “boring.” Next time someone feels too calm, ask: is this boring, or is this safety?
Regulate your nervous system. Practices like EFT, breathwork, or grounding can help your body adjust to calm connection.
Redefine chemistry. True chemistry isn’t sparks that burn you out. It’s steady warmth. It’s feeling like you can breathe.
Practice safe love everywhere. With friends, mentors, even yourself. The more your body feels safety in daily life, the more it can welcome it in romance.
Journal Reflection
✨ Who do I find myself attracted to — and what does that say about my nervous system’s blueprint?
✨ When does calm connection feel uncomfortable to me?
✨ How might I begin to choose safety, even when my body craves chaos?
Safe love isn’t boring. It’s the love your nervous system deserves. It may feel unfamiliar at first, but with compassion and practice, safety can become your new normal.
From Coping to Healing: Releasing the Survival Strategies That No Longer Serve You
Coping is clever. It’s your body’s way of saying, “I’ll keep you safe.” But what kept you safe yesterday might be holding you back today.
My Story: How Coping Showed Up in My Life
For years, my body carried trauma in silence.
My hair fell out in clumps from stress.
I turned to emotional eating when feelings felt too heavy.
I held my breath in rooms where I didn’t feel safe.
I clenched my jaw so tightly in sleep that I woke up with headaches.
I curled into the fetal position at night, bracing against the world.
Energetically, the patterns showed up too: attracting emotionally unavailable partners, repeating scarcity cycles with money, over-giving until I was empty.
I thought these were flaws. But they were survival strategies — the nervous system doing its best with what it knew.
Why We Develop Coping Strategies
Trauma research and polyvagal theory explain this beautifully:
The nervous system chooses survival over thriving.
Coping behaviours like eating, clenching, or overworking are ways of managing an unsafe world.
The brain wires itself around the familiar, even if that familiar isn’t healthy.
This is why we repeat patterns. Not because we’re broken — but because our body equates familiarity with safety.
Moving from Coping to Healing
Healing is about teaching your body new ways to feel safe.
Try this:
Name your coping with compassion. Instead of “I can’t believe I did this again,” try “This is my body’s way of protecting me.”
Add a regulating practice. Butterfly tapping, deep belly breathing, or shaking out stress signals safety to the nervous system.
Start small. If money scarcity shows up, try saving a tiny amount or celebrating when you spend in alignment with joy.
Seek co-regulation. Safe relationships, therapy, and healing spaces help your nervous system remember it doesn’t have to survive alone.
Journal Reflection
Ask yourself:
✨ Which coping strategies show up most often for me?
✨ What are they protecting me from?
✨ What would it look like to thank my coping… and then gently release it?
Coping got you here. Healing will take you further. You are not broken — you are adapting. And with the right tools and support, you can move from surviving to truly living.
Healing the Good Girl Wound: Why People-Pleasing Keeps You Stuck
Many women carry a silent wound: the Good Girl wound.
It looks like:
✨ Saying yes when you want to say no.
✨ Feeling guilty for resting.
✨ Working twice as hard to prove yourself.
✨ Apologising when you’ve done nothing wrong.
And while the world might praise you for being “nice” or “selfless,” inside, you’re exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from your own needs.
I know this wound deeply, because I lived it. I held my breath in rooms where I didn’t feel safe. I clenched my jaw at night until it ached. I curled into the fetal position, my body bracing as though danger was still present.
In love, I found myself drawn to emotionally unavailable people — because my nervous system had learned that love had to be earned. In money, I replayed cycles of scarcity, overworking and overgiving until I was burnt out.
Here’s the science behind it:
The “Good Girl” isn’t a personality trait. It’s often a trauma response. Specifically: the fawn response.
When our bodies perceive threat, we don’t just fight, flee, or freeze. We can also fawn — appeasing others to avoid conflict and stay safe.
For many women, fawning became our survival strategy. Research shows that chronic self-abandonment can lead to higher stress, anxiety, and even physical illness. In other words: the body pays the price for being “good.”
How to Heal the Good Girl Wound:
Somatic practices like EFT and breathwork remind your body that it’s safe to have needs.
Inner child healing shows younger you that love isn’t conditional.
Boundaries protect your energy and retrain your nervous system to trust safety in saying no.
Rest teaches your body that slowing down isn’t laziness — it’s regulation.
Healing the Good Girl wound doesn’t mean becoming selfish. It means learning that you don’t have to be “good” to be loved. You just have to be whole.
✨ Reflection for You: Where are you still abandoning yourself to be good? And what would it feel like to take up space unapologetically?
If this resonates, explore more in my 1:1 sessions or book a massage or EFT session with me — safe spaces to begin unlearning the patterns your body has carried for too long.
The Body Remembers: Trauma & Somatic Healing
We often try to heal by “thinking” our way out of pain. We journal, meditate, reframe our thoughts. And while those tools are powerful, they don’t always reach the root of the problem.
Because trauma doesn’t just live in the mind. The body remembers.
I know this deeply, because my body carried stories I didn’t even realise I was still holding.
✨ My hair fell out in clumps during periods of deep stress.
✨ I turned to emotional eating when I didn’t feel safe or supported.
✨ I caught myself holding my breath in rooms where I didn’t feel safe, bracing against a threat that wasn’t there.
✨ I slept curled into a ball, my body still protecting me like it had learned to as a child.
✨ And I clenched my jaw through the night, waking with the pain of battles fought in my sleep.
Even when I told myself I was fine, my body told the truth.
And it wasn’t just physical. Energetically, I kept attaching to emotionally unavailable people, because that kind of love felt familiar. My nervous system was repeating what it knew.
I also found myself stuck in money cycles that mirrored scarcity — feast, famine, repeat. Again, it wasn’t that I didn’t know how to manage money. It was that my body remembered scarcity and kept pulling me back into it.
The nervous system doesn’t care what’s “good for us.” It cares about what feels recognisable.
The turning point for me was discovering somatic healing. Massage allowed me to release years of stored tension. EFT tapping helped soothe my nervous system and shift the charge around painful memories. Breathwork reminded my body that it was safe, here and now.
Somatic healing isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about helping your body finally exhale.
✨ If you’ve been looping in cycles you can’t think your way out of, it might not be your fault.
✨ It might just be your body, still holding the story.
And the beautiful thing is — with somatic practices, that story can change.
If this resonates, I invite you to explore these practices with me through massage, EFT, or my 1:1 session. Together, we can help your body remember what safety feels like.
Want to hear more? Listen to the podcast here
Healing the Nervous System When Drama Feels Like Home
You say you want peace.
You crave rest, calm mornings, soft love, stability.
But when things finally slow down… you start to spiral. You feel bored, uncomfortable, even anxious.
You pick a fight. Overthink a text. Fill your calendar.
You create chaos — and then wonder why.
You’re not broken.
You’re just dysregulated.
And your body is brilliantly trying to keep you safe the only way it knows how.
Let’s unpack it together.
🧠 Why Chaos Feels Safer Than Calm
This might sound strange, but for many of us, chaos feels safer than peace.
Why? Because your nervous system doesn’t respond to what’s “logical” — it responds to what’s familiar.
If you grew up in an environment where:
Emotions were unpredictable
You had to stay alert to feel in control
Love was inconsistent or conditional
Calm was often the calm before the storm
Then your body associates dysregulation with normal.
Your system became wired to function in stress, tension, urgency.
So when things feel too good — your brain starts scanning for what’s about to go wrong.
That’s not drama addiction.
That’s trauma adaptation.
🔁 Common Signs You're Operating From Chaos:
You self-sabotage when things go well
You feel "lazy" or anxious when resting
You unconsciously attract drama or people who create it
You confuse calmness with emotional disconnection
You crave intensity — even if it hurts
Again, not a flaw. A coping mechanism.
🌿 How to Start Healing This Pattern
To rewire your system from chaos to calm, the goal isn’t to force peace — it’s to gently expand your window of tolerance for it.
Here’s how:
1. Notice the Chaos Craving Without Shame
Start bringing awareness to the urge to stir things up.
Ask yourself:
“Is this coming from my healed self… or my survival self?”
Compassionately name it: “This is the part of me that learned chaos was safer than calm.”
Awareness is powerful. Don’t skip this step.
2. Anchor in Safety Before You Rest
Instead of diving into silence or stillness, prepare your body first.
Try:
Self-holding (hand on heart + belly)
Butterfly tapping (cross arms + alternate shoulder taps)
Gentle movement like shaking or swaying
This tells your body: “You’re safe now. Stillness won’t hurt you.”
3. Create Micro Moments of Peace
Don’t expect your system to suddenly love calm.
Start with small, consistent experiences:
3 deep breaths before a task
5-minute walks without stimulation
Journaling one honest thought a day
Let your body build trust with safety again.
4. Redefine What Calm Means
Maybe you grew up thinking calm = boring, weak, unproductive.
Try reframing it:
Calm is presence.
Calm is power.
Calm is connection without performance.
The more you practice calm, the more your nervous system learns that it doesn’t have to be “on alert” to be alive.
✨ Healing from chaos isn’t linear.
There may be days you miss the rush. Days you crave the noise.
But every moment you pause instead of panic… every time you choose rest over drama…
You’re rewriting your nervous system’s story.
Peace may not be what you were used to.
But it’s what you’re worthy of.
You don’t have to live in fight-or-flight forever.
Your body can relearn safety. Your heart can soften.
You can thrive in calm.
📥 Want Support With This?
If this resonated, listen to the full podcast episode:
🎧 Why You’re Addicted to the Chaos — available on here
You can also explore:
My Tap With Tally EFT videos here
1:1 massage sessions
1:1 EFT sessions
Because peace isn’t boring. It’s revolutionary.
And you, my love, are allowed to feel good.
With love,
Talesha
Burnout Isn’t Your Fault: Why Exhaustion Isn’t a Personal Failure
Burnout is one of the most misunderstood experiences of our time.
We tell ourselves we should be able to handle more. We blame ourselves for being “weak.” We keep pushing until our body forces us to stop.
But here’s the truth: burnout isn’t a personal failure. It’s a nervous system response.
Why We Burn Out
Burnout isn’t just about long work hours. It’s about emotional weight — the invisible stress of caregiving, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and surviving in a world that rewards productivity over peace.
If you’ve ever thought, “I should be able to cope,” let this land: you’ve been carrying more than most people can see. And your body, in its wisdom, is saying: “Slow down. Protect me.”
Why It’s Not Your Fault
So often, we internalize burnout as shame. But here’s why it isn’t your fault:
We grew up in systems that normalized exhaustion.
Many of us were taught rest is something you earn, not something you deserve.
If you’ve experienced trauma, your nervous system has likely been in survival mode for years — and burnout is the crash that follows.
Burnout is not a weakness. It’s your body waving the white flag.
3 Steps to Begin Healing Burnout
Micro-Rest Practices
You don’t have to wait for a holiday to rest. Start with 2–5 minutes of nervous system care: breathing deeply, doing butterfly taps, or simply lying with your legs up the wall.Redefine Rest
Shift the question from “Have I earned it?” to “What feels nourishing right now?” Rest isn’t a luxury — it’s a human need.Lean on Safe People
Healing happens in connection. Sharing your load with others, whether through friendships, coaching, or community, teaches your body that you don’t have to carry everything alone.
If you’re walking through burnout right now, please know this:
You are not broken. You are not weak. You are not failing.
Burnout isn’t your fault. It’s your body asking to be cared for in a new way.
Give yourself permission to pause. Your worth has never been measured by how much you produce — only by the fact that you exist.
Want to hear more? Listen to the podcast here
Healing the Nervous System When Drama Feels Like Home
You say you want peace.
You crave rest, calm mornings, soft love, stability.
But when things finally slow down… you start to spiral. You feel bored, uncomfortable, even anxious.
You pick a fight. Overthink a text. Fill your calendar.
You create chaos — and then wonder why.
You’re not broken.
You’re just dysregulated.
And your body is brilliantly trying to keep you safe the only way it knows how.
Let’s unpack it together.
🧠 Why Chaos Feels Safer Than Calm
This might sound strange, but for many of us, chaos feels safer than peace.
Why? Because your nervous system doesn’t respond to what’s “logical” — it responds to what’s familiar.
If you grew up in an environment where:
Emotions were unpredictable
You had to stay alert to feel in control
Love was inconsistent or conditional
Calm was often the calm before the storm
Then your body associates dysregulation with normal.
Your system became wired to function in stress, tension, urgency.
So when things feel too good — your brain starts scanning for what’s about to go wrong.
That’s not drama addiction.
That’s trauma adaptation.
🔁 Common Signs You're Operating From Chaos:
You self-sabotage when things go well
You feel "lazy" or anxious when resting
You unconsciously attract drama or people who create it
You confuse calmness with emotional disconnection
You crave intensity — even if it hurts
Again, not a flaw. A coping mechanism.
🌿 How to Start Healing This Pattern
To rewire your system from chaos to calm, the goal isn’t to force peace — it’s to gently expand your window of tolerance for it.
Here’s how:
1. Notice the Chaos Craving Without Shame
Start bringing awareness to the urge to stir things up.
Ask yourself:
“Is this coming from my healed self… or my survival self?”
Compassionately name it: “This is the part of me that learned chaos was safer than calm.”
Awareness is powerful. Don’t skip this step.
2. Anchor in Safety Before You Rest
Instead of diving into silence or stillness, prepare your body first.
Try:
Self-holding (hand on heart + belly)
Butterfly tapping (cross arms + alternate shoulder taps)
Gentle movement like shaking or swaying
This tells your body: “You’re safe now. Stillness won’t hurt you.”
3. Create Micro Moments of Peace
Don’t expect your system to suddenly love calm.
Start with small, consistent experiences:
3 deep breaths before a task
5-minute walks without stimulation
Journaling one honest thought a day
Let your body build trust with safety again.
4. Redefine What Calm Means
Maybe you grew up thinking calm = boring, weak, unproductive.
Try reframing it:
Calm is presence.
Calm is power.
Calm is connection without performance.
The more you practice calm, the more your nervous system learns that it doesn’t have to be “on alert” to be alive.
✨ Healing from chaos isn’t linear.
There may be days you miss the rush. Days you crave the noise.
But every moment you pause instead of panic… every time you choose rest over drama…
You’re rewriting your nervous system’s story.
Peace may not be what you were used to.
But it’s what you’re worthy of.
You don’t have to live in fight-or-flight forever.
Your body can relearn safety. Your heart can soften.
You can thrive in calm.
📥 Want Support With This?
If this resonated, listen to the full podcast episode:
🎧 Why You’re Addicted to the Chaos — available on Spotify
You can also explore:
1:1 nervous system healing sessions
Massage therapy sessions
1:1 EFT session
Because peace isn’t boring. It’s revolutionary.
And you, my love, are allowed to feel good.With love,
Talesha
Why You Can’t Manifest When You’re in Fight-or-Flight (and What to Do About It)
When you’ve been doing all the mindset work, writing down your goals, scripting, vision boarding — but things still feel stuck —
It’s time to check in with your nervous system.
✦ The Missing Link: Your Body
You can’t manifest from a state of fear, panic, or pressure.
Why?
Because when you’re in fight-or-flight, your body is focused on survival — not creation. And survival mode tells your brain:
“More money is risky.”
“Success will bring judgment.”
“Love might mean abandonment.”
Even if you say you want it, your body might be resisting it.
✦ What’s Actually Happening in Fight-or-Flight?
Your body thinks there’s danger, even if it’s emotional or social:
Your breath is shallow
Muscles tense
Thoughts race
Digestion slows
Creativity halts
Your system is braced — not open.
In this state, manifestation tools don’t land because your body doesn’t feel safe enough to believe or receive.
✦ Regulation = Receiving
When your body is regulated, you’re:
Calm enough to trust
Open enough to receive
Anchored enough to follow inspired action
You shift from desperation to magnetism.
✦ Practices to Help You Regulate:
Butterfly tapping: Place your hands on your chest and tap slowly
Legs up the wall: Rest for 5–10 minutes to calm your vagus nerve
Somatic shaking: Shake out tension like animals do after stress
EFT tapping: Use it to clear fear, doubt, or unworthiness
Grounding visualizations: Pair vision work with nervous system calm
If it’s not flowing, it might not be your mindset — it might be your nervous system.
Start regulating, and you’ll start receiving.
You’re not too much. You’re not behind.
You just need safety first — and from there, your magic returns.
Rest Doesn’t Feel Safe? Here’s Why Your Nervous System Resists Slowing Down
You say you're tired. Burnt out. Ready to slow down.
But when you finally get the chance to rest… you suddenly feel restless.
Sound familiar?
That’s not just overthinking — it’s your nervous system trying to protect you.
1. Rest Feels Unsafe When You’ve Lived in Survival Mode
If your body has been wired for fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, then stillness might actually feel more threatening than stress.
It’s not dysfunction — it’s protection.
When your system is used to doing, fixing, proving... the absence of that feels unsafe.
2. You Were Probably Taught That Rest = Laziness
Cultural and family conditioning plays a huge role.
You may have learned:
“You have to earn rest.”
“Success = constant productivity.”
“If you stop, you’ll fall behind.”
These beliefs are stored in your nervous system memory — not just your mind.
3. Rest Can Trigger Old Wounds
Rest can bring up:
Guilt (Am I being selfish?)
Fear (Will people think I’m lazy?)
Shame (Why do I need so much rest?)
That emotional discomfort is why you keep reaching for your phone… or adding one more task…
It’s not just a habit — it’s trauma-informed resistance.
4. So, How Do You Relearn Safety in Rest?
Here are a few nervous system-friendly tools:
Somatic grounding: Try butterfly tapping or a gentle self-hold.
Safe touch: Weighted blankets, warm baths, soft textures.
Guided rest audio: Something that co-regulates your system.
EFT tapping for rest guilt: Release subconscious blocks.
You can also talk to the part of you that fears rest.
Let her know it’s safe now. That you are not in danger. That healing doesn’t have to hurt.
Rest is a radical act.
Especially for those who were taught they had to earn love through effort.
This week, give yourself permission to be — not just do.
You don’t have to hustle for your worth anymore.
Want to know more? Listen to the podcast here
Why Your Body Might Be Pushing Love Away (Even If You Crave It)
You want deep love. You crave intimacy. You daydream about feeling chosen, safe, and met.
So why — when someone gets close — do you freeze, shut down, overthink, or run?
This is the confusing heartbreak of many healing women:
💔 Wanting love but feeling unsafe in it.
The reason isn’t because you’re broken. It’s because your nervous system has learned to brace for impact when love arrives.
Let’s explore why — and how you can start shifting that.
🚨 Your Nervous System Isn’t Sabotaging You — It’s Protecting You
Here’s the truth:
You don’t attract what you want.
You attract what your nervous system believes is safe.
So if your early experiences of love were unpredictable, conditional, or emotionally neglectful… love gets wired in your body as danger, not comfort.
It’s not a conscious choice. It’s a survival pattern.
That’s why:
You chase unavailable people (because they feel familiar).
You get anxious when texting someone new (because you expect rejection).
You over-give or shrink yourself (because love once meant performing).
Or you shut down completely (because closeness feels threatening).
This isn’t neediness or coldness. It’s your nervous system running the show.
💡 Attachment Styles & the Body
Our attachment patterns are reflected in how our nervous systems react in relationships:
Anxious Attachment = Nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight.
You're hyper-aware, scanning for signs of abandonment or rejection.Avoidant Attachment = Nervous system shifts into shutdown.
Intimacy feels overwhelming, so you detach emotionally or withdraw.Disorganized Attachment = Your system flips between both.
You crave love but fear it at the same time. It feels chaotic inside.
Understanding this is powerful, because it shows you:
You're not "too much." You're not "emotionally unavailable."
You're simply responding from a body that’s been wired for survival.
🌱 Healing Happens Through the Body
To feel safe in love, you don’t need to force yourself to trust or push past fear.
You need to teach your body that it’s safe to be seen, soft, and supported.
This looks like:
Somatic practices like EFT, self-holding, or breathwork
Inner child work, helping younger you feel heard and loved
Gentle co-regulation, surrounding yourself with calm, safe energy
Nervous system resourcing, grounding practices that signal safety
It’s slow, deep work — but it’s transformational.
When your body feels safe, love no longer feels like a threat.
It feels like coming home.
💌 Ready to Explore This More?
If this resonated, I invite you to listen to the matching podcast episode:
🎙 “When Love Feels Unsafe: Attachment Wounds & the Nervous System” – available now on The Grateful Living Podcast.
You’ll learn more about how your body might be reacting to love, and what you can do to start rewiring those patterns with care and compassion.
📥 And if you want personalised support, my 1:1 coaching and EFT sessions are designed exactly for this kind of heart-healing.
Love doesn’t have to feel like a battlefield.
You’re allowed to feel safe in it.
How EFT Helps When You’re Anxious, Triggered, or Overthinking
You’re Not “Too Much.” You’re Dysregulated.
We all have moments when our thoughts race, our chest tightens, and our nervous system screams that something is not okay — even if we can’t explain why.
This is what it feels like to spiral.
And contrary to what we were taught, the answer isn’t to “calm down” or “think positive.”
It’s to regulate.
To send safety signals to a body that’s scanning for threat.
That’s where EFT — Emotional Freedom Technique — comes in.
What Is EFT?
EFT is a nervous-system soothing tool that uses:
Tapping on acupressure points (like a form of emotional acupuncture)
Naming and accepting emotions
Gently shifting the story we tell ourselves
It’s powerful because it bypasses the logical brain and goes straight to the emotional and energetic centres that store trauma and stress.
Why It Helps When You’re Spiraling
When you’re overwhelmed, you don’t need to solve your problems — you need to feel safe.
EFT:
Reduces cortisol (the stress hormone)
Helps calm the fight/flight response
Brings you back into your body and breath
And it’s something you can do anytime, anywhere — even silently, if needed.
A Simple EFT Script to Try:
While tapping on the side of your hand, say:
“Even though I’m overwhelmed, I’m open to calming my system.”
“Even though my thoughts are racing, I honour how I feel.”
“Even though I feel stuck, I choose to come back into my body.”
Then move through:
Eyebrow: I’m spiraling and it’s hard to stop
Side of eye: These thoughts feel like too much
Under eye: My heart feels tight
Under nose: I honour how hard this moment is
Chin: And I choose to be gentle with myself
Collarbone: I can take one breath at a time
Under arm: I am coming back to me
Top of head: I choose calm, even if just a little
You’re Not Alone in This
If you’ve ever felt like you were drowning in thoughts or emotions — you’re not broken.
You’re human.
And your healing gets to be soft, somatic, and safe.
You can explore guided EFT videos or book a session with me for more personalised support.
✨ Ready to try tapping? Check out the Tap With Tally series here.
With love,
Talesha
Why You Keep Abandoning Yourself to Be Loved (and How to Stop)
If you’ve ever said yes when you meant no, felt guilty for resting, or found yourself prioritising everyone else’s emotions over your own — you’re not alone.
People-pleasing is often mistaken for being “nice” or “easy-going.” But in truth, it’s a deep nervous system response rooted in fear, survival, and early conditioning.
In this blogpost, we’ll unpack:
Why people-pleasing is more than a personality trait
The science behind it (spoiler: your nervous system plays a huge role)
How it links to trauma, attachment, and childhood dynamics
Evidence-based strategies to start healing and reclaim your self-trust
🧠 What Is People-Pleasing, Really?
At its core, people-pleasing is a fawn response — one of the four trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn). Coined by therapist Pete Walker, the fawn response describes when someone abandons their own needs to keep others happy, often as a survival mechanism.
👉 You may have learned early on:
Conflict wasn’t safe
Love was conditional
Approval had to be earned
So you became agreeable, helpful, adaptable — not out of preference, but out of necessity.
📖 The Psychology Behind It
1. Attachment Theory
According to Bowlby’s Attachment Theory, children form relational templates early in life based on how safe, attuned, and consistent their caregivers were.
If you developed an anxious or disorganised attachment style, you may have learned to anticipate and meet others’ needs to avoid rejection or abandonment.
2. Inner Child Dynamics
The “People-Pleaser” is often a wounded inner child — a part of you that believes love = performance or compliance. Shadow work helps you recognise this part not as weak or broken, but as a brilliant survival strategist.
🧬 The Neuroscience of People-Pleasing
Your brain and body are designed to keep you safe — not necessarily authentic.
When you sense a threat (even emotional), your amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) fires up. This can activate a hypoaroused state (freeze) or fawn response — which is a social survival mode.
Your vagus nerve — part of the parasympathetic nervous system — is key in regulating safety and social connection. When you’re dysregulated, your body will instinctively prioritise belonging over boundaries.
In people-pleasers, the nervous system often gets stuck in overdrive:
Overactive insula (hyper-awareness of others' emotions)
Underactive prefrontal cortex (difficulty asserting personal decisions under pressure)
🔎 Signs You’re Caught in a People-Pleasing Pattern
✔️ You say yes when you mean no
✔️ You avoid conflict at all costs
✔️ You apologise often, even when it’s not your fault
✔️ You feel responsible for how others feel
✔️ You feel guilty when you rest or take up space
✔️ You shift your personality to fit who you're with
These aren’t flaws — they’re adaptations.
But they come at a cost: resentment, burnout, and loss of self-identity.
🛠 How to Stop People-Pleasing: A Trauma-Informed Approach
1. Nervous System Regulation
Before you can set boundaries, your body needs to feel safe enough to do so.
Try:
EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques)
Somatic practices like butterfly hugs, self-holding, vagus nerve breathing
Cold water splashes or polyvagal toning (like humming or chanting)
📚 Study Reference: Porges, S. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory – explains how regulation of the vagus nerve supports emotional safety and resilience.
2. Awareness Without Shame
Begin noticing your internal dialogue.
When you feel the urge to say yes — pause. Ask:
“Is this a true yes, or a survival yes?”
Journaling can help you track patterns.
Noticing is the first step to interrupting.
3. Affirm Permission and Worthiness
Try daily affirmations such as:
“I am allowed to disappoint others and still be worthy of love.”
“My no is sacred.”
“I do not owe anyone my silence, compliance, or emotional labor.”
4. Start with Micro-Boundaries
Boundaries don’t have to be huge or harsh. Start small:
“I’ll get back to you.”
“I need to think about it.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
Each micro-boundary rewires your nervous system and strengthens your self-trust.
5. Reparent Your Inner Child
Visualise the younger version of you who felt love had to be earned.
Speak to her with tenderness. Tell her:
“You don’t have to perform anymore. You’re enough. You’re safe now.”
The People-Pleaser in you is not a flaw — she’s a brilliant protector who carried you through times when authenticity didn’t feel safe.
But now?
You’re allowed to choose truth over approval.
You’re allowed to belong to yourself.
You’re allowed to rest, say no, take up space, and trust that the right people will love you for your wholeness — not your self-abandonment.
📥 Want Support?
If you're ready to heal your People-Pleaser shadow through nervous system work, inner child healing, and powerful emotional tools like EFT.
Book a 1:1 session — a space for reclaiming the parts of you you had to hide to survive. DM me Healing on instagram and we’ll book a consultation call.
P.s. listen to our podcast exploring this, here.
It’s time to stop abandoning yourself. You’re safe now. 💛
With love,
Talesha x
How to Start Inner Child Healing Without Feeling Overwhelm
How to Start Inner Child Healing Without Feeling Overwhelmed
You’ve probably heard the term inner child — but what does it actually mean?
Your inner child is the part of you that first learned:
“I’m too much.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I have to earn love.”
“I’m not safe.”
She still lives inside you.
And often, she’s the one reacting when you feel triggered, unseen, abandoned, or anxious.
What Is Inner Child Healing?
It’s the process of reconnecting with, listening to, and nurturing the parts of you that never got what they needed — emotionally, physically, or spiritually.
This work matters because:
Your patterns aren’t random
Your triggers aren’t flaws
They’re messages from your younger self, asking to be seen
Signs Your Inner Child Needs You
You people-please or over-apologise
You freeze when you want to speak up
You fear rejection even in safe situations
You struggle to rest or receive love
You judge yourself for being “too emotional”
3 Ways to Begin Inner Child Healing
Write Letters to Your Younger Self
Use prompts like:“What were you feeling at age 7?”
“What did you need to hear but didn’t?”
“What does little me need from me today?”
Practice Inner Child Soothing
Place a hand on your heart and belly
Say: “You’re safe. I love you. I’m here.”
Rock, hum, or sway gently to calm your body
Visualize Holding Her
Picture yourself as a child
Imagine comforting her
Ask what she wants to say or feel
This Isn’t About Blame — It’s About Becoming
You’re not doing this work to point fingers.
You’re doing it so you can stop carrying what was never yours in the first place.
You’re allowed to cry, feel angry, grieve, and still love where you come from.
Healing means making space for both.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you want a guide who’s walked this path and created a life rooted in softness, wholeness, and self-trust — let’s talk.
You deserve to feel safe inside your own skin.
Let’s start there. 💛
P.s. check out the podcast episode on this, here.
With love,
Talesha x