Healing Isn’t About Becoming Someone New — It’s About Remembering Who You Were Before the Wounds

So often we approach healing like a makeover. We think we need to reinvent ourselves, become someone entirely new, and leave the “old us” behind. But the truth is, you don’t need to become someone else to heal. You just need to remember who you were before the wounds.

The Child Beneath the Armor

Before the betrayals, the grief, the subtle lessons about what was “too much” or “not enough” — you were whole. You laughed freely. You felt without shame. You dreamed without limit. Over time, to stay safe, you built armor. You held your breath in unsafe rooms. You curled yourself up small at night. You learned how to survive.

But surviving is not the same as living.

The Science of Remembering

Polyvagal theory shows us that our nervous system records experiences of safety and danger, shaping how we show up in the world. Survival strategies like hyper-independence, emotional eating, or perfectionism aren’t flaws — they’re adaptations.

The good news is that through neuroplasticity, our brains can rewire. Safety, play, creativity, and rest can be relearned. Healing is not about creating a “better you.” It’s about reclaiming your natural states that were there all along.

Practical Ways to Begin Remembering

• Ask yourself: Who am I protecting right now? This simple reflection can uncover the coping strategy at play.
  

• Follow your joy: Think back to what lit you up as a child — singing, writing, dancing, exploring. These aren’t silly; they’re pathways back home.
  

• Reconnect with your body: Somatic practices like EFT, shaking, or gentle breathwork help the nervous system relearn safety.
  

A Journal Prompt

What parts of myself have I hidden away for safety — and what would it feel like to let them emerge again?

Healing is less about reinvention and more about remembrance. Because the truest version of you was never lost — she was just waiting for you to come back.